True Friendship / Kayla Frazier
“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”
Hebrews 10:24-25
5 Tips for Cultivating True Friendships
I think one thing that this pandemic and time in quarantine has taught us is how much we take other people for granted. This time has also shown us how isolation can eat away at the soul. We need each other. We need community. We need the Church.
You may have been very secluded over the past few months but now you are back at college, surrounded by people. For those of you who are here for the first time, you may be completely surrounded by strangers. I imagine you are craving friendship- and not just surface level friends to chill with but real friends who are not scared to talk about real things. Have you ever had an actual real friend?
I remember making my first real friend in junior high. I had plenty of friends up to this point but this particular friend was different. She loved Jesus. Honestly, when I first met her, I did not think we would have much of anything in common. Then I started sitting by her on the bus on the way to school. It turns out that I had more in common with her than anyone else I had ever met. I did not have to impress her or try to be cool. I could really be myself around her. As our friendship grew, she was the first person I confessed my deepest darkest secrets. She did not struggle with the same things but she empathized with me and loved me through it. And twenty years later, she is still one of my closest friends.
Over the years I have learned that it is not the amount of friends you have but the value of those friendships. I hope you do make friends this semester, but more than that I hope you make at least one true friend, if you get really blessed you may even find two or three genuine friends- people you can really trust and confide in with your very own deepest darkest secrets. True friends are friends that will point you to Christ over anything else- the only Savior who can illuminate that darkness.
You may be looking for a real friend like that right now. My encouragement to you would be to start by being a friend instead of waiting for one to come to you. Get out of your comfort zone and seek out someone with a trustworthy spirit. It may even be someone who looks or seems very different from you.
As you work to cultivate true friendships, I would like to offer 5 suggestions.
1) Pray God would send you a Godly, trustworthy friend
Why? Because God truly cares about your relationships. His Word has a lot to say about community- way more than I could ever cover in this blog. Go see for yourself.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
2) Be a Godly, trustworthy friend
Make friends, by being a friend. Invite someone to have coffee or lunch with you and spend time listening, getting to know that person. And then be someone they can trust, not someone who gossips.
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11
“ A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends” Proverbs 16:28
3) Be intentional
Be the first one to initiate a real conversation and not just through text messaging, actually talk to each other. Confess your own sins and ask questions. Ask them about what they are reading in the Bible and how they spend their time when no one else is around. Check on their heart and pray for them.
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16
4) Be there and be devoted to one another
Be there when others might not be. Show the same grace you have so graciously received when they make stupid decisions. Show up when they go through difficult times, mourn with them. Show up in the good times too, celebrate the wins and special moments with them.
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15
“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” Romans 12:10
5) Be guarded against bad friends and pray for them
Who you spend time with really does influence you. You will start to talk like them, think like them and act like them. Do pray for those who have wandered from the truth. Love them and share Christ with them but be careful that you are influencing them more than they are influencing you.
“Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33
“My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.” James 5:20
Remember that while you are craving true friendship, someone else out there is craving friendship too. Put your phone down when walking across campus and say hi to the person walking by. Go and be a friend.
Joining a BCM small group is a great way to do that. Click here to sign up for more info today!